dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
