it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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