OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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