I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
