Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
