CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
