She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
