The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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