I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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