the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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