The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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