having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it's like iHOP with fire
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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