nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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