So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
