i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
