"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
