I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
