Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
