remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
