Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's shark week go big or go home
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
