dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
