hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
youre lurking in front of me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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