I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't deserve a penis
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
