I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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