im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
