Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
