oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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