Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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