You smell like a Billy Joel song
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
