puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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