I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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