So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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