Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
