I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
