I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
