just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
