I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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