i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
