I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
soo... how was my night?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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