there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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