I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
