A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
