Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
