I seem to have left my pride at pride
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
