we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
