im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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