He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
