It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
