careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
