I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
