Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
