before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
