i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
