He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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