I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
