Heybabeimwearingurpanties
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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