Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
