from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.