Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
