Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
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Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
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I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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