Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Good thing I've started drinking again
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...