so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
