Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon