If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
