Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
